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- To The Man That Thinks I am NOT Listening to Him/Or That I Have Selective Hearing/Or Any Other Crazy Scenario in which His Words Aren't The World to Me
I have memorized...
I have memorized...
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This morning on Bart I saw the freakiest thing ever. This tall, dark and handsome guy sitting…alone. Crazy right? No, not the fact that he was a free man, I’m from Rockridge not the Confederate South. The crazy part was not even the fact that he was single, and very good looking. I’ve recently become single myself, after breaking up with my Imaginary Boyfriend. I’ve plunged back into the deep-in and found myself doggy paddling in the Bay Area dating pool once more. With the invention of the detachable shower head being single’s not so bad. Although I wish my Imaginary EX Boyfriend would quit text messaging me, those fees are eating up my MCI phone bill. What stood out so much to me about this Adonis sitting across from me was that he was riding the train with no book, no iPod, no smart phone & he wasn’t homeless. What a freak!
This was cause for alarm. I actually got visibly scared. It’s times like this I wish my Imaginary EX Boyfriend, John was there to wrap his muscular arms around me and whisper in my ear “I’ve got you.” Why would a guy ride a commuter train with nothing to occupy his time?
He’s probably a serial killer and just likes to ride in silence while he plots his next kill. I mean, yeah I clip my toenails with my teeth, but it’s more of a taste thing than anything else. He probably has a secret torcher chamber at his place.
So what if he isn’t a serial killer? There’s gotta be something wrong with him. Everybody in their right mind knows proper public transpo-etiquette includes a book, iPod or smart phone. BuzzFeed, duh. Those accessories are like public transportation dresscode for adults. The only people this doesn’t apply to are parents accompanying small children or homeless people, depending on the day they’re pretty interchangeable.
I could tell he wasn’t homeless—his shoes were clean. His eyes just kept alternating from the window to the floor. It was so freaky, like ruffying yourself at a Senior Center , not like I’ve done that more than four times. I bet he has a bizarre habit or fetish, yeah that’s it. I got it; he likes to appear completely normal when in fact he was JUST released from a mental institution. I’m sure I’ll see a police sketch of him on the evening news attached to some horrible awful story. If people would just listen to me, nutcases like this attractive gorgeous by all accounts single available unmarried man wouldn’t roam free terrorizing blue collar workers who are just trying to ride the train to work in peace.
Dang it, I missed my stop.
(Siobhan from Rockridge)
(Friday fiction written by Chas every week)
Guy walks into a bar, Guy being me, looking to blow off some steam after work, spots an empty stool and parks right there. Guy orders Jameson on the rocks looks up at the game.
Girl walks into bar, no seats remain, Girl stops beside Guy, Guy being me, and orders a Whiskey sour (Jameson). Sparks Guy’s attention. Guy tells bartender to put it on his tab. Grateful, Girl smiles, thanks him, and leans against bar.
“I’m thinking about going home with you” are her first words to me. I fucking kid you not.
“Word?” I’m buggin’. I mean she’s fine, but I’m a good lookin brotha so I try to play it cool.
“Yeah, you’re cute and it’s been a while. I’m young, independent and free. No shame here.”
“How young? I’m not tryin to catch a case.”
She laughs. “I’m in a bar, aren’t I?”
Yeah, but those D-cups are the only ID the bartender asked for.
“So how did I end up so lucky?”
“If you have to ask, you’re not doing something right.”
I laugh, “So if we smash, you don’t have some crazy Ex with a gun collection and warrants do you?”
“No, but I’m a screamer.”
Say what, say word?
“Let me close out this tab,” I was ready! I’ve had one night stands before but none that moved this fast. I handed the bartender my credit card and remembered I still hadn’t seen her ID.
“But seriously can I see some ID?”
“Oh god. I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours,” she teased. Was I ready for this type of freak?
We exchange IDs. Her tongue creeps from the corner of her mouth as she studies my license.
“You can afford to live in San Francisco? Nice! Rent’s too rich for my blood. I live in the East Bay. So let’s go back to your place, since you’re nearby.”
EVERYTHING stood still as I remembered
I lived with my mom.
(Julius of Oceanview)
You better hope you never have to survive your mom going through this.
So I’m featured on Upworthy today & my episode of Verses And Flow reairs tonight. I’m over the moon.
by The People’s Minister of Information JR Valrey Northern Cali’s Chas Jackson is a rising star nationally on the spoken word scene. On Oct. 9, Chas was featured on the TVOne show Verses and Flow with his poem “Collect Call” about his mother. It’s…
Watch Chas perform Collect Call on Verses And Flow Season 3
Check back here EVERY week for new Friday Fiction written by Chas Jackson.
(Siobhan from Rockridge)
I don’t get why people think my imaginary boyfriend is funny. He’s sensitive you know? And when people laugh at our relationship it really hurts his feelings. He’s the most sensitive guy I’ve ever been with; it’s one of the things that first attracted me to him.
There I was, sitting alone on a Westbound train when he caught my eye. The first thing that attracted me to him was those dimples. It was as if the Universe fork-lifted them right onto his face. And he kept smiling at me like he had a secret. At first, I looked around the train to see if he mighta been looking at someone else, but it was only me. He only had eyes for me.
So I did something I never do, I walked right over and gave him my phone number. (I felt like such a skank.)
Can you imagine my surprise when he called me? It was from a Blocked number. I usually don’t answer those calls, but I had sent in for Publisher’s Clearing House a week earlier and you never know when they’re gonna show up or call.
His name is John and he asked to speak to Dreamy Eyes. That’s what he calls me. He has a really, really low voice, it’s so sexy. We talked for like 4 hours that first night. And you can guest what happened next? We did it. It was Ridiculous. Amazing. The best I’ve ever had.
The problem lies in dinner parties and double dates. John’s really shy so he just kinda just sits there and smirks at my friend’s lame jokes. So cute. But you know how your girlfriend’s can be, they’re so skeptical. Thinking John only wants me for my body since they’ve never actually seen him. Hello? What part of Imaginary Boyfriend don’t they understand? I mean I’ve never met my sandwich meat or been to the farm it lived on but dammit I know my Bologna has a first name. I’ve never seen the air I breathe but I still donate to Tsunami victims. That’s right about the time they start laughing and it really hurts John’s feelings. We’re really protective of each other.
Oh my god this is my stop, but if you wanna stay in touch email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll tell you all about John’s family, they’re great.
*the first line of this story was taken directly from a tweet by @ayizzzle - a hilarious writer Bay Area native Chicago transplant.
Check out more exclusive web content from my time at Verses And Flow http://www.luxuryawaits.com/lifestyle/6667/chas-jackson
Verses And Flow was truly a blessing to share the stage with In-Q, Safia Elhillo & the lovely Faith Evans. Catch the performance reruns on TVOne or online anytime www.luxuryawaits.com
Check me out on Verses and Flow THIS Wednesday October 9th 6 & 9pm on TVOne with In-Q, Safia Elhillo & musical guest Faith Evans. Connect with me afterward on all social media: iamchas
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